This reflection was originally written for our September 18, 2025 religious school newsletter by Chaya Silver, Youth and Education Director, as we approached the High Holydays. We’re sharing it here so our community and visitors can learn from this lesson at any time of year.
A few days ago, while spending time with my granddaughter, she became angry and broke a toy that belonged to her little sister. When I gently asked her to apologize, she looked confused. It wasn’t that she was unwilling—she simply didn’t understand what an apology really involved. She just felt bad.
That moment reminded me of something beautiful in our tradition: a clear, compassionate four-step process for making amends, taught by the great Jewish philosopher Moses Maimonides (Rambam) in the 12th century. His guidance offers a powerful way to repair relationships—at any age.
The Four Steps of a True Apology (According to Maimonides)
1. Admit the mistake
Say clearly what you did: “I broke your toy.”
2. Express remorse and commit to change
Acknowledge the hurt and resolve not to repeat the behavior:
“I’m sorry I broke your toy. I will do my best not to do it again.”
3. Repair the damage
Do what you can to fix the harm:
“I will fix your toy.”
4. Act differently when faced with the same situation
When the moment repeats itself, choose a new path:
“Next time I feel angry, I will not break your toy. I will give myself the chance to do it differently.”
The next day, I walked through these steps with my granddaughter. I watched relief wash over her face. She realized she could do this—she could apologize, repair the toy, try harder next time, and even forgive herself. She had a roadmap.
Apology as Preparation for the New Year
As we head into the Jewish New Year, our tradition encourages us to apologize to those we’ve wronged. This sacred process doesn’t just heal relationships—it gives us a fresh start.
Maimonides’ four steps remind us that repair is possible, even when it feels difficult. Whether we’re mending trust, a friendship, or even a toy, the work requires effort, sincerity, and the belief that we can grow.
The opportunity is in our hands. The action we take to repair what has been broken is meaningful in its own right.
No matter your age, beginning the year with a clean slate is a gift.
As we approach Rosh HaShanah, I invite you to join me in using the wisdom of our tradition. Take a moment to apologize the Maimonides way—to others and even to yourself. You may find that it opens the door to a truly sweet New Year.
